Letter to the (1st) Birthday Girl

My sweet Lily,

Today is a very special day. One year ago, your Daddy announced your arrival..."We have a little girl!”. We both beamed with joy. Now, exactly one year later, my mind is flooded with memories and my heart with mixed emotions. Has it really been a whole year since you entered our lives? I remember how my love for you was abstract until I held you. Right then, I thought, this is what a mother's love is like. It's all consuming. No longer abstract. Breathtaking. Sacrificial. That's when God started teaching me more intimately about the love He has for His children. Infinitely deeper than my love for you and Daddy. So much so that He gave up His own Son, born as a tiny baby just like you were. How can this be? It's a mystery to me. A beautiful mystery indeed.

        And these days that you've been here, right in front of me, depending on me to care for your every need...they've been larger than life, something I dreamed of long before you were born. And the thing is, my dreams didn't even begin to create a vision for how beautiful this reality has been. I've been given this role that I don't deserve but God chose to give to me. All of His grace I can see wrapped up in your sweet little face, your wispy baby hairs that have all been counted by Him and your magical smile that lifts my spirits. As I nurse you to sleep each night, my soul is quieted and I just breathe you in. I sometimes wish I could bottle these moments up and save them for a rainy day. A day when your little hand that clutches mine isn't so little anymore. When I no longer feel the tugging of my pant leg in the kitchen while fixing dinner. Even though these moments are fleeting, the beauty behind them lingers in my heart and promises to stay.

        Some of my favorite things about you are the ways you show love. You lean forward and give me a big open-mouthed kiss and I laugh and melt all at the same time. When you meet someone new, you nuzzle your head into the crook of my neck and bat those pretty brown eyes in a shy glance. The way you show so much excitement at the end of the day when we reunite. You put your head down and with all of the strength and might you can muster, you crawl over to me just as fast as your body will take you. I adore that because I feel the same way. I cannot get to you quickly enough. We've had so much fun seeing your personality emerge. Your spunk and quirkiness have won my heart over. Since the day we brought you home, those little legs have not stopped moving – even in your sleep! Your cute, chunky baby thighs are something special and I love them! Your eyebrows can really tell a good story. You've mastered an adorable little wave and I chuckle at the way your fingers move so delicately in doing so. And those expressive eyes of yours! (yes, they're worth mentioning twice). I'm moved by the way they look at your Daddy with such deep affection.

        I know you can't stay this tiny forever, so I will choose to really be present, to soak up the here-and-now. I will enjoy this journey with you as you grow up and I continue to grow too, in being your mother. What a privilege it will be to watch all of the ways that our heavenly Father will shape you for His purposes.

        I think I have smiled and cried more in the past year than ever before. I smile because of the warmth and laughter you bring to our home. I cry because I care for you so much that it hurts sometimes and that kind of love is overwhelming in the best way possible. I'm sure you will see me do both a lot as you grow up. I hope that someday you will truly know how much you mean to me. But even more than that, I hope that you grasp how much God loves you and longs for you to love Him in return. There is no greater calling on your life worth following. As you now begin your second year of life, we'll delight in seeing you grow day by day into the precious girl you were created to be. I know you will leave your mark on this world and that it will be better because you are here...it already has been for me. Never forget how much your Daddy and I love you and that God is always with you, wherever you go. Happy 1^st Birthday, Lily.

Love,

Mommy