Letter to the (1st) Birthday Boy

My sweet Silas,

One whole year of being your mom. Wow. What a year it has been. More than I dreamed but not in the ways I expected. Reflecting on your day of birth, my mind is filled with fond memories. The doctor, without announcing by word, simply held you up for us to discover we had a son. I was overjoyed. Pure delight started bubbling up inside of me and it hasn't stopped since.

In the days that have followed, my faith has been stretched. You see, I tend to find my security in things going a certain way. I'm so thankful Jesus doesn't just leave me to myself. So He began to use you to refine me. There were many sleepless nights and tiring days, despite our efforts to train you well. And then came the sicknesses, one after another.  We discovered early on that teething wages war in your little body.  It left me wondering quite frequently, “why can't this be better?” God in His gentle ways whispered, “this baby boy is made to be completely dependent on you. Depend on me as he depends on you.  Your relationship with me and with him will endure even the rockiest of times, which is of more worth than sleep, convenience and having control. Nothing could be better than that.” I know that I wouldn't have experienced these truths if all my little formulas had worked out. To be desperate for Jesus is the safest place to be.

And of course, there's all the fun stuff too. Like how you started smiling at three weeks old. Everywhere we go, people comment on how happy you are. You know how to light up a room. I have a feeling your charm is going to be off the charts. You're the squirmiest little guy I've ever encountered and yet you love to be held. It makes for an interesting time. I previously thought your sister was an active child. And then you came on the scene. You don't stop moving unless you're sound asleep or battling illness. With that kind of vim and vigor, it will be my joy to channel it for the Kingdom. I wonder how God will use you in the world. I look forward to finding out.

You and your dad have a special thing going. You roar and rough-house beyond what this mama is sometimes comfortable with. But I see how it speaks to your design. I marvel at how God made you to be conquerors.

I simply cannot forget to mention the bond you're forming with Lily. From early on, she captured your attention. As soon as you were able to focus, your eyes would fix on her and follow her around the room. She had the thrill of teaching you how to clap. And I had the thrill of witnessing your admiration for each other grow.

Your love for music is evident. You entertain us with your stylish moves. You even sing yourself to sleep. I hope our future is filled with slow dances in the kitchen and all-out dance parties as we journey through this life. It will be a privilege to see how your personality continues to play out in the way God has crafted you.

Knowing what I know now about the strenuous labor of being a mom who stays home, there is one thing I can tell you for certain. There is absolutely nowhere else I'd rather be. God created me in a specific way, knowing exactly how He needed to equip me uniquely to meet my children's needs. That is amazing to me. I pray that as you gain greater understanding of our Father that this truth and many more that reveal His goodness will leave you in awe too. On the days where it seems I don't have one ounce of energy left, it is these pieces of wisdom that put wind in my sails. So now, right here, I will drink in these fleeting moments of holding you close and feeling your warm breath against my cheek. I will cherish all that you are and all you will become. We've only just begun, Silas. And if the first few pages are any indication, I think it's going to be a beautiful story. 

All my love to you on your first birthday,

Mommy