Letter to Phoenix: 2 Years Later

Dear Phoenix,

Two years have passed since you left my womb and journeyed back to the perfection of heaven. During that time, God has revealed to me so many things I have to be thankful for, that He has brought forth as a result of your life.

While my mama heart naturally would have wanted you to stay, I have come to see that the intimacy with Christ I have gained is priceless and worth the cost of missing you temporarily.  I never would have guessed I'd be able to say that.  But God knew.  And I've had to trust Him to get me to that place.

I'm thankful that you have had the incredible privilege of being raised by Jesus.  You've never known an ounce of suffering or sorrow.  I picture you playing in the streams of heaven, in fullness of joy.

Last week I met a special woman named Ronda.  She shared her story, which included experiencing the loss of 4 out of 5 of her children.  She describes them as her "anchors in heaven".  I loved that so much and think of you that way now, too.  She said, "If everything you love is here, you will have fear of going 'home'."  God has drawn me heavenward through your life, to the point that I honestly feel like one of my feet is planted firmly there already and the other foot is simply walking forth in grateful obedience here until my appointed homecoming arrives.  All fear or hesitation of embracing death is gone.  So now I get to live in the freedom that Paul expressed: to live is Christ and to die is gain.  As a follower of Jesus, to die is even better, which miraculously takes the sting away.

I'm thankful that your life has caused Lily and Silas to understand the gospel in a personal way.  By faith, they know that we can all be together one day because Jesus made a way for that to happen. They are excited to finally find out when we join you, if you are a boy or girl.  Talk about a gender reveal party, ha! :)

I'm thankful that because of your role in the story God has written, two children living in Africa are en route to become Joneses later this year.  You were a huge part of bringing us to the decision to adopt.  Down the road, I will delight in telling them the story of how a sweet little baby was used in the hands of the Father to pluck them up out of their pain and into arms that could facilitate healing and redemption.  Only God could write a script like that.  And Lord willing, they too will live for Jesus and meet you face to face.

The list is even longer but that will do for now.  I praise God for my scars.  They are a testimony of healing, love and victory.  Just like my Savior's scars were first a display of those for all mankind.  I am now stronger and deeper.  And the best part - every day completed is one day closer to my true Home with Jesus, where we'll worship Him together.

I love you with all my heart.

~Mommy