Letter to Phoenix: 5 Years Later

Dear Phoenix,

   Five years since we said hello and goodbye on the same day. Something has changed in me the last few months. And so I celebrate this day truly as a celebration. I rejoice for you, that you've only known the perfection of Jesus's loving presence.

   A mother's love is deep. How can my love be so strong for a child that I haven't known the joy of holding? It simply is. I feel the same way about two children growing up in an orphanage in CAR. When the Lord plants love in a heart, it is He who keeps it there.

   This morning I opened my Bible to Psalm 18.  Verses 1-3 beautifully describe the Lord, the One who has you under His care. These verses tell me He is my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my refuge, my shield, my salvation, my stronghold, and that He is worthy of praise. I testify that He has been, is, and forever will be, all these things to me. It was your life and death that God used to intensely show me the truth of these verses.

   You, my child, are the precious gift that started me down the path of learning to live a life of lament. These five years have been a series of one trial after another. It's not what I pictured. And so I am growing to be a woman who can exchange my picture for what God has had planned, before the foundation of the world. He knows better than me.

   Lily and Silas still talk about you, which is special. We all get excited when we imagine what it will be like to finally live together. To see you run, jump and play on the New Earth will redeem all the tears and pain. The temporary things I see now will fade soon. Knowing I will one day stand before my God, fuels everything I do now. You've lifted my gaze heavenward! My True Home feels closer every day.

   For now though, I am here...winter in Iowa. It is a frigid and blustery day. The kids and I will bundle up to venture out into the snow and release balloons. We will think of you. We will talk about you. And we will know that you are safe and secure and underneath all of us are the Everlasting Arms.

   I love you, Phoenix. I celebrate you. And I celebrate the good God who made you, keeps you and gives you eternal life.

Love,
Mommy