Adoption: A Picture of the Gospel

I recently returned from my third trip to CAR, while we continue to wait upon the Lord for His perfect timing in bringing Sacre and Jovanie home.  Justin and I traveled together in July of 2016 to meet the children and since that time, God has called me to return two additional times without Justin.  On the front end, I have viewed it very simplified both times: spend more time with the children bonding while we continue to wait for the process to be completed.  But just like many other times in our relationship with the Lord, He is faithful to reveal greater & deeper purposes once we have taken the step of obedience.  While in-country, the Father did that very thing.  There were many purposes in Him calling me to return that I could have never known til I was standing on African soil.

The entire week was abundantly joyful.  And then comes the morning of departure.  That morning is always difficult for all of the children at the orphanage.  As we approached the vehicle, they began to sing a good-bye song and their tears started flowing.  I asked the house father to translate to my children "I am trusting that God will allow us to come pick them up soon."  Once we got in the truck, the driver realized he needed to re-fuel.  In the meantime, my son came over to the window and fixed his eyes on me.  I rolled the window down and for about 10 minutes while we waited for the re-fueling, I stroked his hand and offered the gift of reassuring, comforting words.  It was a sacred moment.  I have experienced several sacred moments along the way and it makes me smile as I remember that my son's name means Sacred Heart in French.  He indeed has one.

As we made the drive back to the capital city, I told the house father that what I asked him to translate did not seem to comfort them much.  He responded, "They know it, but for right now - they cannot stand the separation."

After I got back home, that phrase kept echoing in my mind.  The Lord helped me see it as a tangible image of Romans 8:23 which says, "we groan inwardly waiting for the adoption."  Once we are saved, we know we have been adopted into God's family.  We are His child.  But we have not yet experienced the physical fulfillment of that adoption.  We should groan and long to finally be with Him face to face forever.  Just like my son did. The touches of heaven we experience here should make us hunger and thirst for the full reality.  Just as my affectionate touches upon my adopted son and daughter cause them to long for the day when they are finally in our arms, experiencing the full and glorious reality of their earthly adoption.

This beautiful reminder helps me understand my Heavenly Father's heart toward me and my heart toward Him.  Adoption truly is a picture of the gospel.  And that makes it worth every trial and hardship it takes until we are together at last.

Come Home

I love how God shows us profound principles through everyday circumstances.  Today while retrieving our runaway dog, was one of those times for me.

During Jax's earlier years, he would escape from our fenced-in backyard any chance he got.  He was eager for adventure and exploration.  Now, at 12 years old, he doesn't venture out as much and doesn't get as far away as he used to, but will still attempt to, on a regular basis.  Our fence has seen its better days and so there are many spots where he is able to crawl under and begin to trot happily around our neighborhood.  I keep thinking, "what if one of these days, a driver doesn't see him crossing the road?"  I can't bear to think of the outcome.

Today, I realized Jax had escaped and set out to find him.  I quickly saw that he was in the neighbor's yard across the street and as I approached him, holding out my arms, he stood still and hung his head, waiting for me to pick him up.  In that moment, my eyes were opened to how such a simple circumstance had so clearly mirrored how God our Father views a wayward child.

I wasn't mad at him.  I just love him and don't want him to get hurt.  While surrounding spaces might look appealing to Jax, I know as his loving authority that he will be safer and happier where he belongs - with our family.  This is true of us as God's children! When we wander from our safe place of close communion with the Lord, He doesn't look at us through a lens of condemnation.  He loves us and doesn't want us to get hurt.  He also knows that, just like Jax wandering into the street, it may tragically be to our destruction if we keep going our own way.  He loves us too much to sit back and let that happen!  So, as our loving authority, He pursues us in our wandering.  He approaches us with His arms open wide.

If we humble ourselves and allow Him to pick us up, we'll hear Him say "Come back where you belong - at home in my arms."  And He will carry us there.

Letter to the {8th} Birthday Girl

Dear Lily,

It's crazy to me that we are celebrating eight years of life with you!  I delight in learning who God made you to be and also being flexible enough to roll with the changes that come.  I continue to be surprised that the Lord would give me such a tremendous gift of beauty - the gift of you.

This year I started to recognize different parts of your character deepen.  You truly are a compassionate person.  I can sense your heartache when you are aware of other people going through a time of pain or suffering.  You also value justice.  When we read through the missionary stories each morning, you are moved with a righteous justice when you hear details of people being treated wrongly and it impacts you.  I wonder about how God might use those beautiful Christ-like qualities in you to make a difference in this world, as you grow.  I pray you'll listen to His voice and follow His call, wherever that may lead.

You are still very reserved and quiet when meeting new people or around adults.  I want you to know that is not a bad thing.  I was the same as a little girl.  However, I want you to open up that heart of yours to be willing to be stretched and changed for the glory of God.  We can each learn and grow as we seek Him in humble surrender.

I love your joy and your thoughtfulness.  I really enjoy that you are still interested in having lots of conversations and quality time with me.  I cherish the opportunity to be together and I'm always mindful that the abundant quantity we get never diminishes how much it means to both of us.

You are such a helper!  You have become quite sufficient in household functions.  A couple months ago, Daddy and I were sick on the same night and you did the homemaking tasks so well, without any help.  It was such an encouragement to me.

This year, our family gained two pets through you.  You bought Lola with your own money and caring for that sweet bunny has been both a lesson in responsibility and an added element of fun to our home.  For Christmas, Grandma Niki gave you your dream pet - your very own horse!  Your spirit soars when you are with Freedom and I am looking forward to seeing you make memories with her.  You two are a great match!

When we are doing our homeschool curriculum, you are constantly needing to be reminded to focus on your 2nd grade work instead of giving your brother his preschool answers.  Though it can be frustrating, it does reveal your desire to teach and lead, which I have confidence will be a blessing in various ways as you mature.

You and I are so much alike and yet I marvel at how God made you uniquely.  I like your company and consider it a remarkable privilege to walk with you through life.  Your smile warms my heart.  I pray that today and always, you will know how much you are treasured.  The God of the Universe pursues you as His daughter and calls you His own.  You are loved with an everlasting love.  Happy 8th Birthday, Lily.

Love,
Mommy

Exodus 14

Over the last year, the Lord has led me to Exodus 14 several times to encourage my heart.  On January 24th (5 days before our adoptive children were declared ours), it was on the docket for the portion I was to read according to my reading plan.  But as I opened up my Bible and started reading the text, it became clear that it was the sovereign hand of God that had ordained the timing of when I would be reading it again.  At a crucial time when I needed it and He met me personally there on those pages. This passage has never been so vibrant before my eyes as it was on that morning.

Normally I don't share the intimate writings between the Lord and I that are written in my prayer journal.  However, I am feeling compelled to see this as an exception, so as to declare the majesty of my King. As I look back and see how precisely He fulfilled each and every word, I am in awe.  My desire is that others will be as well.

Exodus 14:4 - "But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army."

~ God intentionally sets it all up like this because He is setting the stage for one of the greatest acts of His glory.  When the time is right, He wipes out the Israelites' opposition and clears the way for them. Oh Lord, do the same for us! We have faced so many obstacles but if we had not, we also would not have seen you display "I am the Lord".  You have set the stage now, in our adoption case. We have endured much opposition.  Eyes are watching to see what You will do.  I ask, as your Daughter, that Monday be the right time for you to wipe out our opposition and clear the way ahead. Thank You for this new surge of hope from the Scriptures. You will get all the glory.

Exodus 14:13-14 - "Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

~ Every word is fresh for now.  I need to not be afraid for Monday.  I must stand firm and see the deliverance You will bring that day.  The Court of Appeal we will never see again.  You, the Lord, will fight for us; we need only to be still.  To sit still and wait requires tremendous strength, and you supply it by your Holy Spirit.

Exodus 14:19-20 - "Then the angel of God who had been in front of Israel's army, went behind them.  The pillar of cloud also did.  The cloud brought darkness to one side and light to the other."

~Oh Lord, would you shed light upon us while You set your stage of glory.

Exodus 14:21 - "all that night, the Lord drove the sea back."

~ Father, Sunday night into Monday, drive the sea back.  You are at work while we wait - far before we see the evidence.  We have a flickering flame of hope that You won't let be blown out.

Exodus 14:24 - "During the last watch of the night, the Lord looked down..."

~ God loves to show up at the last moment, against all odds.

Exodus 14:25 - "Let's get away from the Israelites!  The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt."

~Lord, may all, including our opposition, recognize that God Almighty is fighting for the Joneses and for Sacre and Jova.

Exodus 14:31 - "When the Israelites saw the great power the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in Him."

~This is what I want, Abba!  When people see what You have done for us, may they fear You and put their trust in You - some for the first time!

He's in the Waiting

The last three years have been a season of waiting and recently the Lord impressed upon my heart to journal all I could think of that He has been faithful to teach me in the wait.  On Monday of this week, our family celebrated that God declared through the African courts that two children are no longer orphans - they are Joneses.  Prayerfully, we anticipate them coming home later this year.  Next month will mark 2 years since we said Yes to adoption but the more I thought about it, the waiting season extends back 3 years, to when we lost our third child, Phoenix, and have been waiting upon the Lord to fulfill the desire He planted in our hearts to grow our family.

It strengthens my faith to look at the inner work that the Lord has done during this time and my hope is that it will also be used in His hands to strengthen others in their own times of waiting.  May He receive all the glory!

** As God's children, we must remember that it is waiting upon the Lord.  If we wait upon an event/person/thing, our strength will be depleted and we will go mad.  Our strength is renewed when we instead, wait on the Lord.

** God's timing can be trusted, no matter what.  He knows things we don't.

** All of our experiences during the wait are kind preparations from a loving God for a future that only He can see.

** God is more concerned about the journey than the destination and wants us to be as well.  What He is doing IN us is extremely important - the deepening of our character. If we are still waiting, it means He still has more work to do.

** He taught me to how to pray persistently, consistently, eagerly and with faith.

** The waiting can be a "space of grace" if we lean into it and embrace how God wants to grow us and strip us of sin.

** Our faith will be tested in the waiting. This is where it becomes crucial to go back to what God has said.  His affirmations hold more weight than what the enemy brings.  When we endure the tests and come out victorious, our faith increases as well as our confidence in God's word.

** Voices of doubt may sometimes even come from well-meaning loved ones.  We must rely steadfast on what we know to be true.

** God is faithful to reveal hidden sins.  He wants to show us what things we are prone to depend on that are not Him.  He wants to keep us humble, which is the only way to experience intimacy with Him.

** Celebrating others' success protects us from jealousy.

** It takes tremendous strength to sit still and wait.  It is my natural inclination to jump to action and the Lord is teaching me the beauty of surrender.  There is a peculiar peace that comes with it.  To sit still and wait for the Lord to act truly does require the strength of Christ, in which I can do all things.

** We are not in control.  The idea that we are, is a false illusion.  God is the Blessed Controller of all things.  It is kind of God to always remind us that He is God and we are not.

** God is not inactive in our wait.  He works around the clock for us, as we wait on Him.  He never sleeps, nor does He need our help.  He simply invites us into the process, to seek and worship Him while He works.

** Waiting develops compassion.  A suffering servant of the Lord is a compassionate servant.  We become people that look over our shoulder, compelled to love on others who are coming up behind us that are asked to walk that same road of hardship.

** He wants me to seek Him both with boldness and surrender.  I can approach His throne of grace asking for my desires, while at the same time holding it open-handed.  I do this knowing that if He answers differently, it has got to be for my best, because He is a God who only gives what is best.  His ways are better than mine.

** He shifts my heart to want the Giver more than the gifts.

The two songs below have greatly ministered to me recently.  I know the Lord will have me walk through more waiting in this life.  It is to be expected, for much of our journey on earth is about waiting. I find Him in all of it - the God of both the mountains and the valleys.

Take Courage

More Than Anything

Letter to Phoenix: 3 Years Later

Dear Phoenix,

Time is a strange thing and it keeps marching on.  I couldn't have guessed three years ago today, how much God would use you to change me.  A sweet friend of mine who is also acquainted with the grief of losing a child told me right away that the pain never goes away, it just becomes different over time.  She was right.  It has become like an old friend to me.  It has shifted from an intense, unwelcome guest to a faithful companion who ever reminds me of all I have learned and how near Christ is in our sufferings.

One of the great privileges of this journey is to come alongside other women who have walked the same road.  My pain is redeemed as I minister to others in theirs.  We draw strength from one another and in so doing, we experience the beauty of community.  It is never a group I would have wanted to join and yet it has brought a depth and richness to my life that could have come no other way.

Lily and Silas still bring you up in conversation.  It shows me that your short earthly life keeps beating on inside of them as well.  It is comforting to observe that they care about your life’s purpose, which is ours as well – to glorify God.  You are indeed our anchor in Heaven, pulling us there, until we arrive at last.

I recently finished up a study through the book of Esther.  While meditating on the significance of Purim being a celebration of the Jews’ deliverance, God brought to mind that January 18^th, for me, has been transformed from a day of loss into a day of deliverance.  It was on this day last year – 2017 – that the Lord kept me awake through all the watches of the night to minister to my wounded heart.  He addressed fears, lies and questions that had been lurking for two years.  He brought them all to the surface so they could be dealt with.  It was truly a night of healing.  I smiled through tears when I realized that He, as my Father, had specially chosen the day that represented such suffering and sorrow to be my day of awakening and deliverance.

I think all humans are captivated by the beauty of art because our Creator instilled that in our design when He made us.  When an artist is painting a masterpiece, it is mesmerizing to see what’s taking shape with every stroke of the brush, little by little.  At the same time, it is so very hard to make sense of what the final piece shall be.  I think that’s the life we’re living right now.  There have been some beautiful, interesting, puzzling, brilliant, strokes & sweeps of the brush from our Master Painter.  We look intently to what He is doing.  And yet, there is so much we don’t know or understand – seeing only in part.  We simply trust that the final masterpiece will be breathtaking.  And we will hold hands as we take it all in, and stand in awe and wonder.

I am thankful to be your mother.  God’s divine grace made it so.

All my love,

Mommy

Hidden

As 2017 comes to a close, I look ahead and ask the Lord what word should be my meditation in the coming year.  The last word He impressed upon my heart was Surrender and 2017 gave me significant opportunities to apply that theme.  And the Lord has spoken again.  The word He gives for 2018 - HIDDEN.

He reminds me that He has been teaching me the last few months about the beauty of keeping a quiet heart.  As I live in a world that is becoming increasingly noisy, I am beckoned by God to embrace the quiet inner life.  I am just wrapping up an in-depth study through the book of Esther.  Prior to this, I had never noticed that God's name is found nowhere on the pages of Esther.  Even so, the movement of God is abundantly evident throughout the storyline.  When God seems hidden, we can rest assured that His presence in His children's lives most certainly is not.  There may be seasons in which we must rely on what we know to be true, not putting stock into our feelings that lead us into thinking God has left us or that He is far away.  He is always near to His precious ones, even when we cannot feel His presence.

The name Esther comes from the verbal root in Hebrew str, meaning "to conceal" or "hidden".  One day as I was studying, Lily made a striking comment - "Esther was poor on the outside but rich on the inside.  So, God exalted her.  He made her rich on the outside (queen) and poor (humble) on the inside so she could go before the king for her people.  She cared more about them than herself.  The king just thought he was selecting a beautiful girl but really it was God who chose her."  This profound description by my daughter made my spirit rise up and say, "I want to be like Esther!".  She naturally won the favor of the king and everyone around her, out of the overflow of living to please God.  That kind of woman is attractive in the most important way.

On the last pages of Esther, it is fascinating that her name is the only one not included in the synopsis, among the other main characters.  One thing we can conclude is that receiving credit is the wrong reason to do the right thing.  I am confronted by this beautiful truth, which helps me to see that I often seek glory for myself.  I am drawn to this hidden life that Esther displayed.  What this looks like in the 21st century as a homeschooling mother does hold much different details than Esther's life, but the inner message is the same.  I can embrace even the most mundane moments of homemaking, knowing that I do them unto the Lord - my audience of ONE.  I can take photos of my kids and delight that my eyes got to view that memory being made, without foolishly thinking that social media exposure would have made it any more valuable.  I can wait for loved ones to ask for wisdom before offering it.  When there are areas in my husband's life I think would benefit from changes, I can take it to the Lord in prayer rather than vocalize those thoughts.  I can cherish a small, core group of friends who challenge and inspire me to seek Jesus more.  I can purpose to prioritize face-to-face connection in a culture where online friendship has become the norm.  I can be quick to listen and slow to speak.  All of these everyday ways adding up to the call of living life HIDDEN.

Colossians 3:3 says, "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."  I have died to my old self and my desire is that when people are around me, they won't even see Rachael anymore, but Christ, who lives in me.  And when troubles come, I will remember that He is truly my Hiding Place.

"I am hidden in the safety of Your love.  I trust Your heart and Your intentions.  I've never known this kind of friend." ~ Hidden by United Pursuit